Myself, Homewards

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I know I have ignored and avoided you like the plague, but Blog, I still love you, and I hope you understand that my life right now is the messiest it has ever been by far in my twenty-one years of existence, so I needed time away to become a better, more improved edition of myself.

I don’t like divulging details and any unnecessary drama because I’m no celebrity; I am only a blogger who likes to share my musings on things that charm me. But I guess sometimes we all need our special platforms of healing, and in my case, I hope this could be one of my avenues to pick pieces of myself back. Here are ten songs that helped me got through the many weeks of anger, sadness and vulnerability. Here’s to liberty, endurance, and faith!

10. Nothing like you and I, The Perishers

We spent some time
together crying
Spent some time just trying
to let each other go
I held your hand so
very tightly
And told you what I would be
dreaming of

There’s nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?

09. Bittersweet, Sara Bareilles

Bittersweet seasons
Mistake a warm winter for spring.
Seems like I’m best at leaving
when leaving is not the best thing

You couldn’t help it if you needed more than I could give.
That’s just the way it goes.

I call you misplaced but never a waste of my time.
Everybody’s gonna make mistakes,
But you’ll never be one of mine.

08. Walk, Foo Fighters

A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return

I’m learning to walk again
I believe I’ve waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I’m learning to talk again
Can’t you see I’ve waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Do you remember the day
We built these people mountains
And sat and watched them burn
I think I found my place
Can’t you feel it growing stronger
Little conquerors

07. Because of You, Kelly Clarkson

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty
Because of you I am afraid

06. The Lonely, Christina Perri

I’m a ghost of a girl that I want to be most.
I’m the shell of a girl that I used to know well.

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby.
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there’s only me and the lonely.

05. Mundong Malungkot, Sugarfree

Kung tulog ka pa, ‘wag ka munang gumising
Kung ikaw ay mahimbing
Sa iyong pansamantalang mundo
At ika’y malayo sa gulo
Baka ‘di mo makayanan ang iyong mga pagmamasdan

O, dito sa aking mundo
Ay puno ng galit at sakit
At ‘di mo maitatago ang mga luha mo
Sa malungkot kong mundo

Kung gising ka na, ‘wag ka munang bumangon
D’yan ka lang, dahil sa labas
Umuulan ng dugo at luha
D’yan ka lang, ipikit mo ang mga matang
‘Di makayanan ang kanilang mga pagmamasdan

04. Last night, Skillet

You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn’t want you to see me cry, I’m fine
But I know it’s a lie.

This is the last night you’ll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I’m everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you’ll spend alone,
I’ll wrap you in my arms and I won’t let go,
I’m everything you need me to be.

03. Teach me how to pray, Jason Upton

Daddy, I can hear Jesus crying
Help me, are the words
He’s implying
Am I sleeping while my Savior
is dying
Lord, teach me how to pray

Not my will or my plans or
the way I want it
I’m so tired of my hands in the way
So reveal to these eyes the true heart of my Father, today
Lord teach me how to pray

02. Everything you ever wanted, Hawk Nelson

I walk the line
Leave it all behind
I’ve been waiting forever
Let’s go back in time
When I could read your mind
Still I’ve been waiting

It took the seasons going by
To know it’s not my fault

I tried to be perfect, tried to be honest
Tried to be everything that you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger, tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

It’s been so long
Since you’ve been home
I used to wait up forever
I used to say a prayer
Wishing you were there
And I’m still waiting

You told me once
You’d show up
But I fell for that
Before I fell to pieces
Then I woke up
To no one,
Just a picture of Jesus
And a house left in pieces

01. Imagine me, Kirk Franklin

Imagine me loving what I see
When the mirror looks at me
‘Cause I, I imagine me

In a place of no insecurities
And I’m finally happy
‘Cause I imagine me

Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
‘Cause they never did deserve me
Can You imagine me?

Saying no to thoughts that try to control me
Remembering all You told me
Lord, can You imagine me?

Over what my mamma said
And healed from what my daddy did
And I wanna live
And not read that page again

Imagine me
Being free, trusting You totally
Finally I can imagine me

I admit it was hard to see You being in love
With someone like me
Finally I can imagine me

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